Kids in church

Feline Baptism
A little son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time the rite of baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub.

The kitten bore it very well, and so did the young cat, but the old family cat rebelled. It struggled with him, clawed and tore him, and got away. With considerable effort he caught it again and proceeded with the ceremony.

But she acted worse than ever, clawed at him, spit, and scratched his hands and face. Finally, after barely getting her splattered with water, he dropped her on the floor in disgust and said: "Fine, be a Lutheran."

Smarter Than He Seems
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.

They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.

One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger or what?"

Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've saved $20!"

Story Of Elijah
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. "Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know! I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

Getting into Heaven
Asking the children in my Sunday School class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?" "NO"!, the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven"? Again, the answer was "NO"!

"Well," I continued, "then how can I get to Heaven?"

In the back of the room, a 5 yr. old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

Posted for April 2008

Letters to God from Children 

Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
Joyce

Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
Tom

Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
Bruce

Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladdin, I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set.
Raphael

Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha!
Danny

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
Larry

Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
Sam

Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
Ruth M.

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
Nan

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes.
Mickey

Fresh Insight

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We have been learning how
powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power.
Can anybody tell me what it is?" One child blurted out, "Aces!"

Things We Might Not Know without Sunday School

~ With your eyes closed for prayer, anything can happen in a room full of preschoolers.
~ Prayer requests reveal a lot about parents.
~ A fire extinguisher is a handy device.
~ Cheap glue adheres to skin.
~ Kool Aid and song motions do not mix.
~ Some church maintenance people do not have a sense of humor.
~ Offering money always rolls to the other side of the room when dropped.
~ Parachute games should not be used in a room with a chandelier.
~ Animal crackers can be sneezed out the nose.
~ There are good reasons why pastor's kids have a bad reputation.

Just for Fun

A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"! I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."

Our five-year-old son Mark couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!"

Posted for Dec 2007